Monday, September 26, 2011

who knew?

I just wrote a wonderful recommendation for Graham and Liam's caregiver and sent it to a lady looking for a nanny. I had to force myself to push "Send." I didn't want to.

Almost five months ago, I struggled with the idea of sending my boys to a stranger's house all day. We didn't even have a transition. Just dropped them off cold turkey the first day. I was sad. While I got a very good vibe from Rocio and felt totally comfortable leaving my kids with her, it was still hard. I didn't want my boys to get attached to another mommy.

Fast forward to today.

Christian's temp job is over at the end of this week and he'll stay home with the boys once again. I know Rocio has bills to pay as well, so I'm helping her find other kids to watch. She'll be interviewing with a new lady tomorrow to see if it is a good fit, but I can tell she just wants to keep Graham and Liam. She looks like she's going to cry whenever she talks about Graham and Liam's last day at the end of this week. I want to cry along with her. When she told me about her interview tomorrow, she asked me one more time if there were any updates on Christian's job, in hopes that we could stay. She had to have a talk with her 4-year-old and 2-year-old about how the boys won't be coming over any more. She said last time they said goodbye to kids she watched, her little boy cried often and wanted them to come back. That breaks my heart.

It has only been 5 months, but they are family to my boys now. Liam jumps for joy when he sees Rocio in the morning.

I want to be selfish and string her along. Maybe Christian will find another temp job. Maybe she can just wait. If she takes a new family and Christian finds more work in a couple weeks, we are out of luck and have to send our boys elsewhere. But I can't expect her to go two, three, four weeks without pay in hopes that our boys can come back.

With tears in my eyes, I give a good recommendation and push send.

But secretly I hope the new lady chooses someone else.


Hilary said...

That is a rough one Molly. You have done such a great job of juggling everything. I'm always so impressed with you. What field is your husband in again? I could ask around in this area...although you might not be keen on Visalia.

Ashley said...

I am so glad you loved her/she loved the boys so much! I hope a fantastic job offer comes in really really soon before she commits to someone else!

Julia Wade said...

How incredible to have people who love your boys so much. Molly, you're handling everything with a lot of grace and confidence. I have no doubt it will all work out for your sweet little family. :)