My patience ebbs and flows with the moon, it seems. As many of you know, Christian is looking for full-time work. And not just any full-time work. Sure, the plant nursery down the road is hiring. Nordstrom Rack is hiring. Door-to-door sales companies are hiring. He could find full-time work if he wanted to, but he isn't looking for just anything. He is looking for full-time work in his career path. Full-time work in his field that would also offset my Stanford job and allow me to stay home with our kids.
(Don't worry--I can post freely about this. My boss knows full well that I plan to stay home with my kids as soon as our employment situation allows for it. I work with great people.)
Searching for a job can be stressful, and in my case, I almost feel like it's even more stressful that I'm not the one doing the searching. As I've mentioned a gazillion times, I like to have a plan. It takes everything in me NOT to impose my planning obsession on Christian. If I didn't show a little restraint, I'd end up with a full report of job applications, follow-up calls, common interview questions and answers, and a detailed plan all laid out on a calendar in our kitchen...and a husband who would never talk to me again. Christian doesn't work the same way I do, and I'm sure my obsession with planning grates on him. So I show restraint and try to let him do his thing his way. That doesn't mean I don't interject and offer my help and advice (and I'm sure it has helped out in various areas of his job search). I just don't take over what's not mine. (Or at least I try my hardest not to...)
With that great big long preface, I will get to my point.
Amidst this stressful situation that was, for the most part, out of my hands, I was hit with a huge wave of peace. Of patience. Of acceptance. It was a week before I was supposed to go back to work.
When I went back to work after Graham, I was dreading it. I cried (more than once). It was hard for me to leave him at home. I got over it, of course, and I was just fine. But I still had this resentment for work.
Then I had Liam. About a month ago I was forced to think about what I was going to do with my teaching job. I couldn't possibly work full time and teach at night. I would never see my kids. Emotionally, I just couldn't do it. Once more, I felt resentment. I had to go back to my full time job and would therefore have to quit a my teaching. Leave a class I love. Take a step backward in my teaching career. Giving up my teaching position in this economy was a guarantee that I wouldn't get back in until the economy fully recovered. I was torn. I was sad.
Eventually I was able to work out an arrangement that allowed me to keep my class but only teach one night a week (another teacher would teach my lesson plans the other two nights).
And then it hit. I was calm.
I wasn't worried about going back to work.
I wasn't worried about Christian's job search.
I wasn't worried about anything.
I was calm and content and felt peace. No other way to describe it.
I have been back at work for a week, and I felt fine from the start. Absolutely fine. Things will work out when they are supposed to. Until then, I have patience, and I am grateful.
3 years ago