Please come home. I'm sorry. I should never have made you wear that silly hat. Animals should never have to wear clothes. Please forgive me.
Please know that I never intended to send your pictures out as a Christmas card. It was only a joke. A horribly bad joke. And then I posted the pictures on the internet. I can see why you are mad.
But the reason you are lost is because I wanted you to be happy. You see, when I went to pick you up to take off your silly hat, you held onto the carpet for dear life. In fear of popping off one of your legs--believe me, it can happen. I once pulled on a crawdad when it was holding onto my friend's shirt, and instead of letting go, it held on until its pincher popped off--it was disgusting. Where was I? Oh yes, in fear of popping off one of your legs, I left you to walk around a bit more. You seemed happy exploring under the Christmas tree. I was late for work, so I told Christian to keep an eye on you while I took a quick shower. It was the fastest shower of my life (I was late for work). When I came out ten minutes later to put you away, Christian said he saw you go into the kitchen.
And that was the last we saw of you.
I'm sorry. I had to go to work. But I resumed searching as soon as I got home. I have spent the last four hours cleaning out every nook and cranny in our house. (By the way--thanks--my house needed a good cleaning.) But I can't find you. I'm worried sick. And you're still wearing that stupid hat.
So I'm begging you to come home. I've put out sand, food, and water for you in four different places. Please make lots of tracks in the sand when you go to drink the water. That way we'll know which room you are in.
Also, you're making me look like a crazy pet owner. So the sooner you come home, the sooner I can stop looking like I'm obsessed with you. Which I obviously am.
PS--Gracie misses you.
3 years ago