things i tell myself in my head

Do you talk to yourself? Okay, don't tell me that you talk to yourself out loud. That kind of weirds me out. Sorry. I know it shouldn't, but it does. Now I think you're creepy.

Anyway, do you talk to yourself in your head? I often find myself laughing at the things I say to myself. The things I actually "say" to myself are normally motivational (i.e. a kick in the pants to do what I'm supposed to be doing at that moment). I'm quite stern with myself. For example, here are some things I caught myself saying today and yesterday:

"Only two hours of work left. You got this, Molly. You got this."

"Seriously. Focus."

"Make the freaking cookies already!"

Granted, the majority of the words going through my head today consisted of Commander D and Big Fat W. ...my boy D, commander D, the well-known D... (Kudos to you if you know what I'm talking about.) It's a rough life.

Oh, then there's running. I'm not sure thoughts even go through my head at all while I'm running. I do NOT sort out life's problems while running. Nothing goes through my head. Nothing. Ask me to do simple math calculations while running and I will prove to you that my brain shuts down when I run.

So tell me: Do you spend your time pondering existential topics or giving yourself motivational speeches about focusing? Please tell me it's the latter and I'm not alone on this.

one year since the leap: Google farewell

I really can't believe it has been a year since I posted about taking a leap into what we hoped would be two wonderful opportunities. It seemed so scary at the time, but it turned out to be a great decision.

This past Friday marked the last day of Christian's contract position at Google*. From what I hear, his team honored him by dressing up (a fitting farewell for the ever-fashionable, bowtie-wearing Christian).

Although I know he is sad to leave his team, I know he had a blast this past year: memes only his team would find funny, rainbow birthday cakes, searching the area for every red bull flavor available, handing out microwave popcorn to strangers, decorating the office for every holiday (and then some), mystery cafe tours, trips to the city, growing a ridiculously amazing mustache. I could go on and on. (Don't get me wrong--he actually worked this past year. This was just the frosting on the cake.)

So now it's time to move on to new adventures. We'll just have to trust that cape until we find out what the next adventure will be, but if it's anything like this adventure, we'll take it.

I love you, Christian! Glad you had a great year at Google! I'll leave you with these lovely videos. :)









(PS--I stole most of these photos from coworkers' Facebook pages. I hope that's okay!)


*A common question from friends and family is if Christian's contract can be extended. Unfortunately, Google mandates a one-year max for contract employees and a 90-day layoff period before contractors can be hired on again.

I Love You!

I Love You!

-Christian

how i want to live my life

A couple weeks ago I wrote about the Mayan calendar and the winter solstice. I mentioned that I would sit down that evening and writing my life resolutions for the new era: how I plan to contribute to a new world, in my home, in my community, and globally.

I have mulled over these resolutions for the past week and am still happy with my initial list, with one addition.

1. Pay attention to my children
2. Pay attention to my husband
3. Talk to my children about kindness and love
4. Schedule time for community service
5. Consume responsibly
6. Embrace, explore, and develop my faith
7. Speak kindly about others
8. Embrace the hard

If anyone cares to read on, I've written a bit about each of my life resolutions below so I can come back to this periodically.

Pay attention to my children
I do not love playing with my children. There. I said it. I love them fiercely, but I am not one who loves to play legos or playdoh or make-believe. I've never been that type (couldn't stand babysitting while I was growing up). Far too often I find myself spending their awake time cleaning my house and telling my children to wait so I can finish doing something I could easily leave until later. While I do have fun with my kids and hug and kiss them constantly, I recognize that it takes a conscious effort on my part to actually play with them. I will pay attention to my children.

Pay attention to my husband
His likes, his dislikes, his interests, what makes him laugh, what hurts him, what gives him hope, what troubles him, what he needs, what he wants. Christian can be quite the chatter box when you get him going, but much of the time he keeps his thoughts to himself. I can't know him if I don't pay close attention. And it's hard to have a happy home if you don't truly know that best friend who shares your room. I will pay attention to my husband.

Talk to my children about kindness and love
When Graham was born I started writing in the most endearing baby book. Under Mother's and Father's Ambitions for Baby I wrote, "We want you to be a good person. Be happy. Appreciate your life. Be kind to others. Say nice things about people. Love your family. Love us, please. We love you so much." I still don't feel the need to add anything to that short list. I want my children to know true kindness and love. It is up to us to teach them.

Schedule time for community service
I used to do a lot of community service in high school, everything from picking up trash on the side of the road to working at a food bank. Then life happened, and the only community service I do anymore is give blood. Some may say that spending upward of 14 hours a week preparing for and teaching early-morning seminary (scripture study class for teenagers) is community service. That's just everyday life for us. To me, community service means reaching out beyond your social circles to interact with and serve strangers. The opportunities are out there. I just need to get my foot back in that door.

Consume responsibly
A result of not having much money is that you spend less money. You get a keen sense of wants versus needs. It turns out most things in life are wants. We have very few needs. I have lost the desire to have lots of things. In the process I have really started to notice the waste all around us. I am being more selective about what I buy, looking at products for their environmental as well as social impact. I plan to blog more about this. This is my global contribution.

Embrace, explore, and develop my faith
Contrary to some peoples' belief, I am not in my religion merely because I was born into it. I have spent years thinking about my faith: what aspects of my religion I love, what aspects make me think, and what aspects make me cringe. I have made a conscious decision about my faith. I will continue to embrace, explore, and develop my faith--how it applies to my life and what I believe--but I want to do so with more intent.

Speak kindly about others
I give people the benefit of the doubt. I get along with almost everyone I meet, and I think I have the ability to understand people--what makes them do and think and say the things they do, even if it differs from how I act. However, there will always be those few whose opinions and actions I just cannot wrap my brain around. This is when I fall short of this resolution. Speaking ill of others brings no good. There is no benefit. I will work harder at this and be more aware when I find myself getting sucked in to such a conversation.

Embrace the hard
I added this to the list after reading today's post by Damaris over at Kitchen Corners. Things have been hard. Most of my life is wonderful, but there are parts that have been very hard in the last few years. Things I can't change. I am slowly learning how to embrace the hard that comes along with life, but it is always so difficult to embrace these things in the moment. There will always be hard things mixed into even the best life. It will do me a world of good if I can learn to embrace the hard.

time to get angry

I was cleaning out the garage on Wednesday and trying to purge stuff that we don't really need. I tend to keep lots of stuff that we "might" need some day, so I kept just moving things around.

In the middle of my project, something came up that made me pretty upset. Sad, angry, frustrated all bundled up together. And do you know what? My purging skills skyrocketed. I suddenly started throwing twice as much in the give-away pile.

It was great!

Quick. Someone make me mad. I'm in a good mood today and my purging skills aren't up to par. Make me mad so I can get rid of all our junk. ;)

the end of an era

Cenote Ceh’ Yax

 So tomorrow is December 21, 2012. That's when the world will end, right?

Wrong. Sorry guys. You still have to go to work. You still have to make dinner. (Doesn't making dinner every single day get annoying? Maybe that's just me.). You still have to pay off your loans.

The Mayan calendar is cyclical, just like our calendar. The "long count" portion of the calendar ends some time around December 21st of this year. (December 21st would make sense since it is the winter solstice.)

What happens when our calendar year ends? It starts again the next day.

So does the Mayan calendar. The start of a new era.

And what happens at the start of each of our years? We resolve to make changes. To be better.

The end of the Mayan long count marks the start of a new era: a chance for us to wipe away the evils of the previous era. For us to rebuild this earth. To have a new world.

I've never been huge on making new year's resolutions, but this I can wrap my brain around.

Who cares if I start going to the gym in January or if I start drinking 8 glasses of water a day or if I resolve to blog twice a week every week for all of 2013?

Let's use this new era to make the world a better place. A second chance.

Forget making new year's resolutions on January 1st. How about we make life resolutions on December 21st?

What kind of life are you going to to live in the new era? How are you going to contribute to a new world? In your home. In your community. Globally.

Think about it.

I'll be making my list tomorrow.

i believe we are connected

Still thinking about the families in Connecticut. Not the debate on gun control. Not whether autism can be connected to violence. Just the families. Just the pain. My heart is still heavy.

My heart is heavy for all the injustices, violence, and pain caused around this world. I've been making it a point in my life to be more aware of what people are going through around the world. It's easy to bury our heads. It's easy to look the other way. Not on purpose. Not because we are cold hearted. And often not consciously. But because it doesn't seem that our brains are capable of really processing the pain that people experience. It's easy to feel like our efforts to curb murder, torture, slavery, trafficking, oppression barely make a dent in the world. Reality is heavy. The human experience is heavy. Life is beautiful and filled with so much joy, but also so much pain.

I know why. I know that everyone has agency: the ability to choose whether they will help or hurt others. I know that natural forces in this world are allowed to take their course. I know that the mind is fragile and breaks. I know that sometimes we bring pain upon ourselves, and sometimes our pain is caused by others. I know that we will all die some day. Some young, some old. Some by natural causes, some in tragic circumstances. I know, but that doesn't mean my mind really comprehends.

In the midst of all this, I do believe in comfort. I believe the human race is connected. I believe that I can send comfort to you when you are in pain. And vice versa. I believe people can feel what we send them. This week I sent my comfort to the other side of the country. I don't need it this week. I can comfort myself. 

Try it. Send your comfort to Connecticut.